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I really liked your poem. I know where you're coming from. Scars like that never heal. About you vision and originality. It's awesome. So what I want to talk more about is technique. You meter changes a bit. It doesn't make it too hard to follow. But if your meter is off it can be trouble. Count syllables. Try not to have too long a meter either. 6-8 is perfect. I think in stanza 7, your meter gets up to 11. Also your technique affects you impact. I would have given a higher impact had there not been meter issues, though they are minor. However, overall I enjoyed this piece and I think you are a very talented writer. Just polish it. Watch "Whispers of the Heart" by Studio Ghibli for what I mean by poilishing. I mean it in a good way. :3
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